


brave in love.

by outpastthemoat



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Schmoop, sentimental drivel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 19:34:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5755594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outpastthemoat/pseuds/outpastthemoat





	brave in love.

He likes to think of himself as a brave man.  He has done so many things, faced so much danger, and that is what he whispers in the ears of men and women in the cantinas and tapcafes he visits on his bluest nights, on the eve of battle; I am a brave man, he will murmur, and they will lean into him, eager to hear more of his stories, and he will tell them more.  He will talk of the Resistance, of his squadron, of dogging TIE fighters, of the furballs and firefights.   

He has fought with his teeth and he has fought with a shiv, he has fought until his nails drew blood, he has crash-landed on desert worlds with red suns.  He has soared into the dark of space and never looked back.  

He is not brave enough for this.

He has heard stories, he has listened to the songs and legends, how love is supposed to make anyone brave; not just heroes, but ordinary everyday men, how love is supposed to grant them the courage to do anything, say anything, to leap off tall buildings or climb mountains  --

Not him.

Love makes him quiet and still.  Love makes him turn to water, flowing around the rocks in a riverbed.  Love makes him rustle like wind in the branches of a young tree.  

He is brave in many things.  He is not brave in love.

Now he sits down next to Finn's bed in sickbay, and he finds himself at a loss.  He would quite like to reach out and take Finn’s hand from where it is resting on his chest and press it between his own.  He would like to bend over Finn’s still body and whisper, I am a brave man, but you put me to shame, you with your unwavering courage, you who were good enough to do what you feel is right and just, you with your heart that shines as bright as a thousand suns; you brave man, you brave, brave man.

Finn will wake up, they tell him, he will walk again, he will fight again, and Poe would like to be brave enough to stay until then, to remain by his side through the night and into the early gray dawn.  He would like to be the one whom Finn sees first when he opens his eyes.  He would like to help Finn sit up, to let him lean on his shoulder as Finn takes his first steps, to offer his coat and his flat and his bunk, to say, Let me take you home.  Let me be a friend to you.  If only he had the courage, if only.

If only he were a braver man, he would reach out and brush his fingers over Finn’s cheek.

If he were a braver man, he would whisper in Finn’s ear, I find that you are always on my mind.  I smile when I see you running towards me, with your arms open. I dreamed of you last night, of your eyes in the darkness, I dreamed of you in my arms and my life.  I dreamed of taking you to my world, showing you the heat and dirt and green of the jungle, the temples that break against the sky.  I thought of you the moment I woke up.

If only.  If only.

He would say, I will be here for you.  I will be the first to offer you everything, the first to take you inside my heart and home and close my arms around you, the first to hold you tight until time runs its course.

He has always thought of himself as a brave man.

But he is not brave now.

Instead he leaves a note along with his com number -  Call if you need anything.  

If he were a braver man, he would sign his note with Love.  Instead he signs it, Your friend.

Instead he runs the tip of his finger down the side of Finn's face, trails it down the line of his jaw.  Touches the burns on his face, leans over close enough to feel those quiet even breaths against his cheek, to see the healing cut on his lower lip.

If he were a braver man, he would touch those lips.  If he were a braver man, he would wake Finn with a kiss.  Just like any of those stories he has always heard about, one of those stories about love and danger and courage.

If he were a braver man, he would --

Instead he stands. Instead he leaves.

  
  
  
  
  



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